Augustine & Monica – the Vision at Ostia
the thirty-two-year-old son and the fifty-five-year-old mother to reach this climax together.
In the Roman port of Ostia, a few days before setting sail for Africa, Augustine and his mother were standing by a window that looked out onto an enclosed garden, and talking intimately. Their conversation, serene and joyful, led them to the conclusion that no bodily pleasure, no matter how great, could ever match the happiness of the saints. And then, “stretching upward with a more fiery emotion,” Augustine and Monica experienced something remarkable: they felt themselves climbing higher and higher, through all the degrees of matter and through the heavenly spheres and, higher still, to the region of their own souls and up toward the eternity that lies beyond time itself. And “while we were speaking and panting for it, with a thrust that required all the heart’s strength, we brushed against it slightly.”
It is difficult to convey in translation the power of the account, and of what it meant for the thirty-two-year-old son and the fifty-five-year-old mother to reach this climax together. Then it was over: suspiravimus. “We sighed,” Augustine writes, and returned to the sound of their speech.
The moment of ecstasy that Augustine and his mother shared was the most intense experience in his life—perhaps, as Rebecca West remarked, “the most intense experience ever commemorated.” A few days later, Monica fell ill, and died soon after.
Book 9 chapter 10
trans John Ryan
The Vision at Ostia
(23) With the approach of that day on which she was to depart from this life, a day that you knew, although it was unknown to us, it came about, as you yourself ordered it, so I believe, in your secret ways, that she and I stood leaning out from a certain window, where we could look into the garden within the house we had taken at Ostia on the Tiber, where, removed from crowds, we were resting up, after the hardships of a long journey, in preparation for the voyage. We were alone, conversing together most tenderly, “forgetting those tilings that are behind, and stretching forth to those that are before.” – We inquired of one another “in the present truth, ”2 which truth you are, as to what the eternal life of the saints would be like, “which eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of a man.”- But we were straining out with the heart’s mouth for those supernal streams flowing from your fountain, “the fountain of life,” which is “with you,”- so that, being sprinkled with it according to our capacity, we might in some measure think upon so great a subject.
(24) When our discourse had been brought to the point that the highest delight of fleshly senses, in the brightest corporeal light, when set against the sweetness of that life seemed unworthy not merely of comparison with it, but even of remembrance, then, raising ourselves up with a more ardent love to the Selfsame, we proceeded step by step through all bodily things up to that heaven whence shine the sun and the moon and the stars down upon the earth. We ascended higher yet by means of inward thought and discourse and admiration of your works, and we came up to our own minds. We transcended them, so that we attained to the region of abundance that never fails,- in which you feed Israel- forever upon the food of truth, and where life is that Wisdom by which all these things are made, both which have been and which are to be. And this Wisdom itself is not made, but it is such as it was, and so it will be forever. Nay, rather, to have been and to be in the future do not belong to it, but only to be, for it is eternal. And while we discourse of this and pant after it, we attain to it in a slight degree by an effort of our whole heart.
And we sighed for it, and we left behind, bound to it, “the first-fruits of the spirit,and we turned back again to the noise of our mouths, where a word both begins and ends. But what is there like to your Word, our Lord, remaining in himself without growing old, and yet renewing all things?-
(25) Therefore we said: If for any man the tumult of the flesh fell silent, silent the images of earth, and of the waters, and of the air; silent the heavens; silent for him the very soul itself, and he should pass beyond himself by not thinking upon himself; silent his dreams and all imagined appearances, and every tongue, and every sign; and if all things that come to be through change should become wholly silent to him—for if any man can hear, then all these things say to him, “We did not make ourselves,”- but he who endures forever made us——if when they have said these words, they then become silent, for they have raised up his ear to him who made them, and God alone speaks, not through such tilings but through himself, so that we hear his Word, not uttered by a tongue of flesh, nor by an angel’s voice,— “nor by the sound of thunder,”— nor by the riddle of a similitude,— but by himself whom we love in these things, himself we hear without their aid,—even as we then reached out and in swift thought attained to that eternal Wisdom which abides over all tilings—if this could be prolonged, and other visions of a far inferior kind could be withdrawn, and this one alone ravish, and absorb, and hide away its beholder within its deepest joys, so that sempiternal life might be such as was that moment of understanding for which we sighed, would it not be this: “Enter into the joy of your Lord?”— When shall this be? When “we shall all rise again, but we shall not all be changed.”—
(26) Such tilings I said, although not in this manner and in these words. Yet, O Lord, you know that on that day when we were speaking of such tilings, and this world with all its delights became contemptible to us in the course of our words, my mother said: “Soa for my own part, 1 now find no delight in anything in this life. What I can still do here, and why I am here, I do not know, now that all my hopes in this world have been accomplished. One tiling there was, for which I desired to linger a little while in this life, that I might see you a Catholic Christian before I died. God has granted this to me in more than abundance, for I see you his servant, with even earthly happiness held in contempt. What am I doing here?”
Sarah Ruden trans:
23. Then the day on which she was to leave this life was looming (the day you knew about but we didn’t). It happened—because, I’m convinced, you arranged for it through your mysterious means—that she and I were standing alone together in the house where we were staying, leaning on the sill of a window that looked out to the garden. This was in Ostia on the Tiber River, and we had withdrawn from the crowds after the hardships of a long land journey, and were resting up for our voyage.
Therefore we conversed together alone, very gently. Forgetting the past as we stretched out to what was before us,*71 we sought, in the presence of truth in person, which is you,*72 what the eternal life to come would be like for the holy ones, the life that neither the eye has seen nor the ear heard, nor has it entered into the human heart.*73 But with that mind’s mouth, we panted for the streams of your spring on high, the spring of life, which is where you are.*74 We wanted, as far as we could sustain them, to have a few drops of that water splattered on us so that we could contemplate such a mighty thing.
24. Our conversation was brought clear to the conclusion that any degree of delight in the physical senses, under however much material light, didn’t seem worthy of comparison or even of mention in relation to the bliss of that eternal life.
Stretching upward with a more fiery emotion toward that thing itself, we walked around, step by step, all material objects and even the sky, from which the sun and moon and stars shine over the earth. And still we climbed up inwardly as we thought of and spoke of and wondered at your works. We came into our own minds and climbed up beyond them, to reach the land of abundance that never fails, where you graze Israel forever on the fodder*75 that is truth.
In that place is found the life that is wisdom, through which all these things around us are made,*76 both those that were and those that will be. Wisdom itself is not made, but is what it has always been, and it will always be that. In actual fact, there is no “was” or “will be” in it, but only being, since it is eternal: “to have been” and “to be about to be” are not eternal. But while we were speaking and panting for it, with a thrust that required all the heart’s strength, we brushed against it slightly.
Then we sighed and left behind us, adhering up there, the first fruits of the Spirit,*77 and made our way back down to the racket of our mouths, where a word has both a beginning and an ending. What in that is like your Word, which is our Master, remaining forever in himself without growing old, but making all things new?*78
25. So we said, “Suppose a person were to experience that the uproar of the body becomes silent, and the illusions of the land and water and air become silent, and the whole extent of the sky is silent, and his very soul is silent to itself and passes beyond itself by not thinking of itself; and dreams and revelations full of images are silent, along with every kind of language and signal; and suppose that a person were to experience the absolute silence of whatever comes into being through passing away.
“If anyone hears, all these things do say, ‘We did not make ourselves, but rather the one who remains into eternity made us.’*79 But suppose that once they’ve said this, they fall silent. They’ve made the ear prick up toward him who made them, but he himself alone speaks, not through them but through himself, so that we hear his Word, not through the body’s tongue or through the voice of an angel, or through a thundering cloud or a riddling analogy,*80 but instead we hear himself, whom we love in the form of these things, but we hear him without
these things—just as, right now, we’re stretching forward*81 and with quick thought reaching the eternal wisdom that remains above all things.
“Suppose this were to be prolonged, and other visions of a far lesser kind were to be taken away, and this single vision would ravish and draw in and hide in its inward joys the one who sees it, so that life without end would be like this moment of understanding was, for which we’ve sighed. Isn’t this what’s described by ‘Enter into the joy of your Master’?*82 And when will this happen? Is it when ‘we all rise again, but we will not all be changed’?”*83
26. I said things like this, though not in that kind of style or in those exact words. But you, Master, do know that on that day, when we were saying things like this, and when this material world, with all its delights, was looking tawdry to us as we talked, she then said, “My son, as far as I’m concerned, nothing in this life delights me. What I should do after this, and why I’m here, I have no idea. My hopes for this earthly existence are reduced to nothing. There was one thing for the sake of which I wanted to remain somewhat longer in this life, and that was
to see you a universal Christian before I died. My God has fulfilled this wish—filled it to overflowing, as I actually see that you’re his slave, scorning earthly happiness. So what am I doing here?”
Carolyn J.-B. Hammond trans:
(23) The day was now at hand when she was to depart this life—a day which you already knew, though we were ignorant of it. By your own mysterious ways you brought it about that she and I were standing alone, leaning at a particular window where there was a prospect over the garden within the house68 where we were staying at Ostia Tiberina.69 We were far away from the crowds, recovering from the stress of a long journey and making ready for the onward voyage. So we were conversing with pleasure, just the two of us, [Phil 3:13] “forgetting the past but rather reaching out to what is to come.” In the presence of the Truth (which is who you really are) we were exploring the question of what the eternal life of the saints would be like, which [1 Cor 2:9] “eye has not seen nor ear heard nor has it entered into the human heart.” We opened wide the mouth of our heart to drink deeply of the heavenly waters of your pure spring, the [Ps 36:9] “well of life” which abides with you.70Then we were sprinkled71to the limit of our poor ability; and thus began to reflect widely on this great matter.
(24) Our conversation concluded that the enjoyment of the physical senses, however great, and however effective in giving earthly enlightenment, is not worthy to be preferred—not even considered—in comparison with the joy of eternal life. [Ps 146:8] We raised ourselves up and with hearts aflame for the One72we made our gradual ascent through the physical world and even heaven itself, where sun and moon and stars shine upon the earth.73
And now we were climbing still further by pondering, discussing and marveling at your works. We entered into our own minds and transcended them, to reach that place of unfailing abundance, [Ez 34:14] where you feed Israel for ever with the food of truth. There, life is the wisdom by which all other things come to be, both past and future—wisdom which is not created but rather exists just as it always has been and always will be. In fact it does not have the capacity either to have existed, or to come to exist. It simply is, because it is eternal.
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While we spoke, we also gazed upon wisdom with longing; we reached out and touched it as best we could, with every beat of our heart.74
Then we sighed and left behind us, where they belonged, those first fruits of the Spirit.75We returned to the clamor of our usual kind of speech, in which words have both beginnings and endings. Yet what can compare with your [Ws 7:21] Word, our Lord, who is everlasting, never aging, yet making all things new?
(25) So we went on conversing:76“Imagine that someone experiences within themselves the stilling of the commotion of the flesh, the stilling of every image of earth and sea and sky, the stilling even of heaven, and the soul itself. Imagine that dreams grew silent, and symbolic revelations, every tongue, and every sign; and that anything which comes into being through transition grew silent to that person (for all these things make the same declaration, if only one could hear it—[Ps 99:3Vg; Sir 18:1]
‘we have not made ourselves, but the One who abides for ever has made us’). Then suppose that those things fell silent after their declaration, because they turned their attention to him who made those things; and then he alone spoke, not through them, but by his own self, so that we heard77his Word not by means of a tongue of flesh,78nor by the voice of an angel79nor by the thundering of a cloud80nor by the mystery of a mental image;81so that we heard the Word himself, the one we love in all these things, yet heard him without them, created as they are. In this way my mother and
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I now reached out, and, in the swiftness of our thought, we touched eternal Wisdom which lasts beyond all things. Imagine that all other visions (so greatly inferior) were removed, and that this alone were to remain: would this vision by itself seize us and absorb us and restore the beholder to those inner joys, so that eternal life would be just what that moment of understanding had been (the one for which we sighed)? Surely it means this: [Mt 25:21] ‘Enter into the joy of your Lord.’ And when will this happen? Surely when we all rise again,82 [1 Cor 15:51] but not all of us will be changed?”
(26) I spoke to this effect, although not in this precise manner or words. In any case, Lord, on that day when we were conversing in this fashion, and the physical world, with all its particular pleasures, became cheap in our eyes as we were speaking, you know what she then said: “My son, for my own part there is no longer anything for me to enjoy in this earthly life. What I am yet to do here, and why I am still here, I have no idea, now that my hope for this earthly age is accomplished. There was only one thing that made me desire to linger in this earthly life a little while longer: namely to see you become a catholic83Christian before my death. My God showed this to me more fully, so that I might see you too reject earthly pleasures and become his servant. What am I to do here?”
(23) Impendente autem die quo ex hac vita erat exitura (quem diem tu noveras ignorantibus nobis), provenerat, ut credo, procurante te occultis tuis modis, ut ego et ipsa soli staremus, incumbentes ad quandam fenestram unde hortus intra domum quae nos habebat prospectabatur, illic apud Ostia Tiberina, ubi remoti a turbis post longi itinerislaborem instaurabamus nos navigationi. conloquebamur ergo soli valde dulciter et, praeterita obliviscentes in ea quae ante sunt extenti, quaerebamus inter nos apud praesentem veritatem, quod tu es, qualis futura esset vita aeterna sanctorum, quam nec oculus vidit nec auris audivit nec in cor hominis ascendit. sed inhiabamus ore cordis in superna fluenta fontis tui, fontis vitae, qui est apud te, ut inde pro captu nostro aspersi quoquo modo rem tantam cogitaremus.
(24) Cumque ad eum finem sermo perduceretur, ut carnalium sensuum delectatio quantalibet, in quantalibet luce corporea, prae illius vitae iucunditate non comparatione sed ne commemoratione quidem digna videretur, erigentes nos ardentiore affectu in idipsum, perambulavimus gradatim cuncta corporalia et ipsum caelum, unde sol et luna et stellae lucent super terram.
Et adhuc ascendebamus interius cogitando et loquendo et mirando opera tua. et venimus in mentes nostras et transcendimus eas, ut attingeremus regionem ubertatis indeficientis, ubi pascis Israhel in aeternum veritate pabulo, et ibi vita sapientia est, per quam fiunt omnia ista, et quae fuerunt et quae futura sunt, et ipsa non fit, sed sic est ut fuit, et sic erit semper. quin potius fuisse et futurum esse non est in ea, sed esse solum, quoniam aeterna est: nam fuisse et futurum esse non est aeternum.
Et dum loquimur et inhiamus illi, attingimus34 eam modice toto ictu cordis. et suspiravimus et reliquimus ibi religatas primitias spiritus et remeavimus ad strepitum oris nostri, ubi verbum et incipitur et finitur. et quid simile verbo tuo, domino nostro, in se permanenti sine vetustate atque innovanti omnia?
(25) Dicebamus ergo, “si cui sileat tumultus carnis, sileant phantasiae terrae et aquarum et aeris, sileant et poli, et ipsa sibi anima sileat et transeat se non se cogitando, sileant somnia et imaginariae revelationes, omnis lingua et omne signum, et quidquid transeundo fit si cui sileat omnino (quoniam si quis audiat, dicunt haec omnia, ‘non ipsa nos fecimus, sed fecit nos qui manet in aeternum’), his dictis si iam taceant, quoniam erexerunt aurem in eum qui fecit ea, et loquatur ipse solus non per ea sed per se ipsum, ut audiamus verbum eius, non per linguam carnis neque per vocem angeli nec per sonitum nubis nec per aenigma similitudinis, sed ipsum quem in his amamus, ipsum sine his audiamus (sicut nunc extendimus nos et
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rapida cogitatione attingimus aeternam sapientiam super omnia manentem), si continuetur hoc et subtrahantur aliae visiones longe imparis generis et haec una rapiat et absorbeat et recondat in interiora gaudia spectatorem suum, ut talis sit sempiterna vita quale fuit hoc momentum intellegentiae cui suspiravimus, nonne hoc est: ‘intra in gaudium domini tui’? et istud quando? an cum omnes resurgimus,35 sed non omnes immutabimur?”
(26) Dicebam talia, etsi non isto modo et his verbis, tamen, domine, tu scis, quod illo die, cum talia loqueremur et mundus iste nobis inter verba vilesceret cum omnibus delectationibus suis, tunc ait illa, “fili, quantum ad me attinet, nulla re iam delector in hac vita. quid hic faciam adhuc et cur hic sim, nescio, iam consumpta spe huius saeculi. unum erat propter quod in hac vita aliquantum immorari cupiebam, ut te christianum catholicum viderem priusquam morerer. cumulatius hoc mihi deus meus praestitit, ut te etiam contempta felicitate terrena servum eius videam. quid hic facio?”
Et dum loquimur et inhiamus illi, attingimus eam modice toto ictu cordis.
GOOGLE: And while we speak and draw our attention to it, we touch it a little with the whole stroke of the heart.
Et dum loquimur => And while we speak
et inhiamus illi => and let us catch him
attingimus eam modice => touch it down slightly
toto ictu cordis => with all the heart blows
et suspiravimus et reliquimus ibi religatas primitias spiritus et remeavimus ad strepitum oris nostri, ubi verbum et incipitur et finitur.
GOOGLE: and we sighed and left there after tying the first fruits of our breath, and we returned to the noise of our mouth, where the word begins and ends.