Martial’s Epigrams – On Leda
“Leda informed her ancient husband that she is crazy
And complains that she needs to be fucked [poked].
But as she weeps and groans, she denies that sanity is worth the price
And claims instead that she prefers to die.
Her husband pleads for her to live, not to squander her best years
—And the act he does not perform himself to others he allows.
Immediately the gentleman doctors arrive and the lady medics leave:
Feet are raised! What a serious treatment!”
Tawdry Tuesday: Sex Therapy and Extreme Erectile Function with Martial
Hystericam vetulo se dixerat esse marito
et queritur futui Leda necesse sibi;
sed flens atque gemens tanti negat esse salutem
seque refert potius proposuisse mori.
Vir rogat ut vivat virides nec deserat annos,
et fieri quod iam non facit ipse sinit.
Protinus accedunt medici medicaeque recedunt,
tollunturque pedes. O medicina gravis!
§ 11.71 ON LEDA:
Leda told her aged husband that she was hysterical, and regrets that intercourse is necessary for her; yet with tears and groans she says her health is not worth the sacrifice, and declares she would rather choose to die. Her lord bids her live, and not desert the bloom of her years, and he permits to be done what he cannot do himself. Immediately male doctors come in, and female doctors depart, and her feet are hoisted. Oh, what stringent treatment!
Marcus Valerius Martialis (known in English as Martial /ˈmɑːrʃəl/) (March, between 38 and 41 AD – between 102 and 104 AD) was a Roman poet from Hispania (modern Spain) best known for his twelve books of Epigrams, published in Rome between AD 86 and 103